From the time when Nathan and I got married I have always loved that moment at the end of the day when he would walk in the door and be "home". I think after Carter was born I looked forward to that hour with new anticipation. It meant help had arrived, my best friend was there to talk to, and would share in the little moments for the rest of the evening.
Every time Nate leaves it is quite an adjustment. I find that instead of looking forward to the end of the day, I dread it. The end of the day is just that...there is no one coming home, no hug and a kiss to look forward to, no one to love on Carter with a fresh perspective, no holding hands on the couch as we watch a little TV. It's always hard for a while, but the mind is a very interesting thing and it does adjust.
Nate's been gone a little over 7 weeks, hopefully just a few more to go. But, I realized as I was cleaning up after dinner tonight this is the point in his absence I hate. It is the point where I no longer even imagine that he might just come strolling through the front door. The moment comes and goes and I rarely notice. I am "used to" him being gone, whatever that means. This makes me sad. It makes me feel like somehow I am not doing him justice by missing him enough. I know that probably sounds silly, it feels silly as I type it.
I'm ready to have him back. I'm ready to get "used to" him being here again. That is the fun part. And I know that although I adjust so I can function happily while he is away, Nate is never far from my heart nor I from his. I think that is what matters most.
Every time Nate leaves it is quite an adjustment. I find that instead of looking forward to the end of the day, I dread it. The end of the day is just that...there is no one coming home, no hug and a kiss to look forward to, no one to love on Carter with a fresh perspective, no holding hands on the couch as we watch a little TV. It's always hard for a while, but the mind is a very interesting thing and it does adjust.
Nate's been gone a little over 7 weeks, hopefully just a few more to go. But, I realized as I was cleaning up after dinner tonight this is the point in his absence I hate. It is the point where I no longer even imagine that he might just come strolling through the front door. The moment comes and goes and I rarely notice. I am "used to" him being gone, whatever that means. This makes me sad. It makes me feel like somehow I am not doing him justice by missing him enough. I know that probably sounds silly, it feels silly as I type it.
I'm ready to have him back. I'm ready to get "used to" him being here again. That is the fun part. And I know that although I adjust so I can function happily while he is away, Nate is never far from my heart nor I from his. I think that is what matters most.
3 comments:
....this made me teary, Beth! I feel your pain and will be praying for you a little extra.Again, I am proud of you. You've got a lot of 'grit' girl!
Hurry home Nate! Your Honey needs you!
I love you, precious daughter.
For some reason this hit a cord with me too this morning. Shawn left...for the weekend...but for some reason this has been a hard week for me. I'm angry he is working nights and although he sees us for 2 hours during the day "he's not really here". Call it tired or planning for his upcoming event. Then the thought of him leaving again for 2 months in September, another upcoming deployment after the first of the year. A crying baby who you wish could just tell you what's wrong with him. All I want is for him to be home at night too. I feel ya, girl! Hang in there! (I'm saying that to myslef too:o)
I was so touched by your post...
My husband leaves tomorrow for the next three and a half months, and my daughter (almost 2 and 1/2) and I have never been away from him that long. Do you have any advice on how to deal with the separation? Especially for my daughter...I can understand why he's gone, but how to you tell that to a two year old every time she asks for her daddy?
I know that you are going through a difficult time and I have you and your family in my prayers.
Autumn
Post a Comment