L I F E

I've had this thought that has been taking shape over the past couple of weeks. It all started when we were having our mucho fabulous weekend in Tahoe. It was just the three of us and I think maybe it hit me as we were all sitting in our own tubes heading up the hill on a zip cord...if I had a baby right now this wouldn't be happening. Ok...back up Bethie...a little explanation might be necessary.

So, here's the deal. Our beautiful, and not such a baby anymore, baby is now three and a half. This means that most of the time there is pretty much a big fat elephant in the room and his name just happens to be, "When are you having another baby????" I get this question a lot, or I used to. Lately it seems like the elephant just sort of sits there quietly, his presence is actually kinda' awkward and annoying. I get it, when you look around we are becoming more and more of a rarity. There aren't many of us around, and by us I mean families with just one child quickly approaching four years of age with no baby on the way, that would be us. And just to clear the air it's not for a lack of trying, or I guess I should say trying as best one can when ones husband is home on a very irregular basis. Over the last year or so I've been a little consumed with the greener grass on the other side. As friend after friend after acquaintance after acquaintance becomes pregnant or has a baby I am, and I say this with truth in my heart, beyond happy for them. But, I've also had the baby bug, and the fact that there is no baby for me leads down the path of worry and to all the questions that go with it, namely being, "what's wrong with me?" So, when I say what I am about to say please know that it is no way meant to take away from what a beautiful thing it is to have a baby or a family with multiple children. I have been jealous of you almost everyday for the past year and a few months or so...what I am about to say is about me finding the joy in where I'm at. Put it this way, if life was one big bowl of chocolate ice cream it would be pretty plain without a few sprinkles on top...

Lately I've been missing the sprinkles in my life, but I think God just showed me something...

I've got more sprinkles than I know what to do with...

Which brings me back to the tubing hill. There we were tubing along happy go lucky family of three. Staying at a posh little boutique hotel our trio soaking in the hot tub. Traveling, going to movies, spending hours at the park, dinner out, etc. etc. And while some of it would be possible with the baby I've been dreaming of, some of it would not (or it would at least be a lot more difficult). I'm not giving up or anything. But while I was cleaning up after dinner last night it kinda' hit me that this is my life. I'm living it. Of course we have goals and dreams and hopes for the future, we have all that good stuff. But instead of willing it to get here faster or happen more quickly I want to look at where I'm at as the gift that it is. I'm sure someday there will be another sweet person for our family to love and adore, but right now there is this little blond angel whose constant chatter keeps me pretty entertained. What an amazing thing to have all this time to get to know her so well. To have all these special memories just the three of us. It's not a curse, it's a gift...and I'm going to start being more thankful for it. I'm digging in so to speak...

And, while I should probably save this for the fastly approaching Mother's Day, I just have to say I am SO thankful for my own mom. At my "stage" in life she already had two of us and was about to deliver number three! How the heck did you do it mom??? I'm thinking your aprons must've whipped around and done double duty as a cape! You are a super-maman in my book! And, while I'm not exactly following in your footsteps by popping out babies left and right, I hope I can be half the mom you were. You made my life sweeter and I love you...

E N J O Y I T!!