I think I kinda' suck at this whole separation thing (sorry mom, I know you hate the word suck). I'm competitive to the core so it really bugs me that I can't be better at this. I mean for crying out loud (which I've done my fair share of) my husbands been gone a little over a week...what is my deal?? I have all my glass half full theories that I usually dwell on but right now I think I'm giving into the the glass half empty side (and pregnancy hormones may not exactly be helping).
I sometimes feel like a mental basket case. I try so hard to prepare for these times. I picture myself as the strong independent type doing things like taking Carter to the Zoo or Aquarium by myself, coming up with ways to make everyday fun and exciting...so why is it when the moment is finally here I sometimes feel like it's all I can do to function? Right now I'm just having the melt down that I've come to know and love. The one that says what the heck am I doing here again? Sitting, alone, in my living room again...missing my best friend again...flying solo as a parent again...you get the point.
Can I just be negative Nancy for two seconds and say I am absolutely sick and tired of my husband coming home only to turn around and see in the very near future when he will be gone again. I don't feel like I can do this anymore, and yet that train of thought always brings you full circle to the neon sign that says, "YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE." And, as I type that, I can hear my dad say something like, "You get to choose, you get to choose whether you're gonna' have a good day or bad day." You're right dad. And to be honest I had a good day, but I guess I chose to have a bad night. My bad. No pun intended.
It'll get better, it always does. I'm not taking the time to go back and look but I could almost guarantee there is a post a lot like this one about a week into every absence we've had. Melt down, adjustment, whatever you want to call it...it's just a part of it I guess. Bah. Negative Nancy signing out. (Let's hope tomorrow Positive Patty is back in the building).
8 comments:
You can do it Beth! It is a rough life and we hate to be away from our men but they are doing something wonderful! You are a strong, beautiful and intelligent woman, who can face this unconventional lifestyle head on. You are a great mom and I am sure Carter is happy just spending her days with you! I hope you have a wonderful day and the blues we have all learned to know (and not love) will make their exit and you can start planning a sweet nursery! :)
Oh Beth....I know it's hard girl! We've talked about this so many times how the blog can be such an awesome release. This is your life and how your feeling! It's ok to have the feelings your having right now - YOU LOVE YOUR NATE! I also know that you can be such an awesome positive person and that you have an incredible way of showing people the realness in your life! Stay strong - I'm here for you!
I didn't get a chance to respond to your last blog but a word of advise for the goodbyes is to have Carter remain pals with her buddies by sending pics, letters, drawings, etc. I talked up are move so much and have focused on all the positives that DC will bring - new friends, a great new school. and a new bedroom. Miss Carter will do great! She has you as an awesome example!
I'm so sorry you have to go through this over and over! Just wanted to encourage you though- last weekend my husband had to unexpectedly spend our free/fun/family weekend out at an oil rig in the middle of Nowhere, TX. He never goes out of town and it was just two days, but I was really bummed. Honestly though, I immediately thought of you! Which I hope you don't think is weird because we don't know eachother, but I do love your blog! :) I thought of how you have to go through that separation and loneliness all the time and how you make the best of it and do fun things with your little one even though its just the two of you!! So I put on my happy hat and Charlie and I went on a little "date" that evening that included playing in a fountain and having dinner while listening to live music! It was awesome! And yeah I know I only went through a few days of the separation, but all of that to say, you are an inspiration! And hang in there!!!
Hang in there. Mine's never coming home.
You have every right to be a Nancy....life is full of ups and downs....it can't all be sunny side up all the time. It's important to really feel life. So many people try to put a smiling face on when all they want to do is frown. It's important to your soul to let yourself have those "down" moments, trust me, it's through these times that you are really shaped and formed, like a diamond being created in a lump of coal, under so much pressure. It's this analogy that has gotten me through so many rough times in my life. One day, we'll be the most beautiful diamonds in all of the world! The Lord rewards those who persevere through hard times, and remember to look for the blessings in these moments....it's hard, but it really helps. And when you look back on this time in your life, it'll be those blessings that you see, not all the bad stuff. Love you! We're praying for you guys!
Thanks for all the encouragement, I can honestly say, "I needed that!" You military girls know exactly how this feels and that these are the emotions that come with the territory, there is something so comforting about that. Bethany what you had to say means a lot and I'm so glad that you had a great "date" with your little man! And anonymous, can I just say you left me sobered. I'm sure my complaining seems quite trivial and for that I apologize. Just said a little prayer for you.
I never post on blogs. But, today I am. Funny how I got to your blog today. Your mom sent out emails of her trip in Salido this past weekend. Throught clicking on different links in the email I was directed to her blog and then thought I would visit your blog. So here I am.
I am very comforted by your Positive Patty...Negative Nancy post. David is home for the summer and just left for a 7 on 7 tournament. (And it's just a couple of hours.) Just when I think he is home, he's really not. It seems there is always something going on with football. I got really down on the him and the situation. Then while I was in the middle of feeling sorry for me and my kids your post popped into my head. I can either be positive and supportive or I can be negative and angry. So, I choose to be positive and go out to 7 on 7 tonight and spend the evening with David and the Coogs. Thanks so much for "break downs". They REALLY DO help other people.
Wish I could be there to help you through these days....but I realize that I really wouldn't satisfy. Feelings are wonderful... for feelings let us know that we are created in God's image and help us to reacquaint ourselves with Him. He loves, He gives, He sacrifices, He misses us, He laughs and sorrows... we are like Him and He helps us with our feelings. Love you....mom D
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