This is my Journey

I love pictures. This doesn't surprise anyone who knows me well, and if you have been reading this blog for any amount of time it probably doesn't surprise you either! I think photos speak to me in a way that nothing else can, and consequently my computer is full of them. I've tried my best to be organized about the whole thing but, it is really just one big mess. File after file of pictures. Over the course of the last year and half most of them have made it onto this blog, which I find very comforting. I feel the need to document things and this "spot" serves that purpose perfectly.

Lately though, I have found myself running across a lot of B.B. (before Blog) photos. One night Nate asked me what the heck I had been doing on my laptop for so long. I had spent at least an hour clicking through old pictures of my baby. It was like my brain couldn't believe that she had ever been so small, so chubby, so fuzzy (and by that I mean her hair). Who was this baby, did I really know her once? At the time I think I was often consumed by the feeling that she would never outgrow whatever "hardship" we were currently dealing with. Sleepless nights, exploding diapers, projectile spit-up, boobie issues (and by that I mean breast feeding)...at some point in time they all made the list, and truth be told I couldn't wait to check them off. I couldn't wait to move on, leave that un-pleasantness in the past. But babies are like life, and for every hardship you outgrow there is often another one waiting right around the corner. I began to learn, often the hard way, that focusing on the good created a much happier existence for everyone. Sadly this realization was too little too late in some areas. Looking back at the sweet photos I realize that I missed a lot of the joy that was to be had in those early months. I also realize life is a journey and we are constantly growing and changing, so I'm gonna' try not to beat myself up over it.

With Mother's Day upon us I was thinking today about what it is to be a mom. Truthfully I think it's one of those indescribable things. One of those things you want so badly to explain, convey and tell people all about...but it just doesn't translate with words. I know for me it is hands down the most life changing experience I've ever had. When I found out I was pregnant I was giddy. I was also very naive. I had watched zero a person I was close to go through the experience of having a baby or a child. So, I did what any super naive person would do...I got all caught up in being pregnant! I sort of equate it to the bride who gets engaged and focuses only on the wedding...the moment the ceremony ends she feels a little lost as to what to do now. That would be me the moment Carter came bursting into the world. The reality that there was now a little person in our lives suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks. They hit me hard in the face because I had NO IDEA WHAT TO DO!!! Just to give you an idea of how ignorant I was, I thought babies breastfed three times a day, as in breakfast, lunch and dinner. Yeah, I was beyond lost. But, guess what, while painful at times, we figured it out. And even though she couldn't communicate in any way shape or form (other than screaming at the top of her lungs) she single handily taught me more about myself than anyone ever has. Before Carter I was selfish with a capital S. Her birth rocked my world in ways I never dreamed, but I was determined not to fail at being a mom. God took that desire in me and, I believe, revealed His purpose in my life. I joined the ranks of many, and I became a mother. It's a lifelong commitment. You don't get sick days, paid vacation, or lunch breaks. There are no personal assistants or secretaries. There is no break room (unless you consider an occasional escape to pee). There are no salaries, raises or bonuses to be had. I do, however, have a dedicated "business partner"and he also happens to be my best friend. We started this journey together and our commitment to it's success is our number one priority.

And, while it may have taken me the better part of her baby-hood to get my head on straight, I'm thankful I have photos to look back on. I know that may sound cheesy, but it's true. Each one is a moment and when I see it I can almost remember what it felt like to be there...that's a gift.

Pregnant, Happy, and Clueless...

This is reality (her name just happens to be Carter)...

Hello Carter, so nice to meet you...

And with that, my journey began...

While you were a baby you taught me SO much...but as you got a little older, the life lessons just kept on coming...

You've reminded me that it's nice to stop and feel the sand between your toes...

That high heels make any outfit look just a little more "fancy"...

Window shopping really can be fun...

and there's nothing better than a home cooked meal...

You've taught me there's no point in trying to make straight hair curly...

you shouldn't be afraid to make a fashion statement...

and that life is too short to take yourself seriously!

We both know that goodbyes are never easy...

and hello's never get old...

and that makes America a beautiful place to be...

I've been you shoulder to cry on...

and at times, you've been mine...

And I think we would agree that a BIG hug...

and a BIG smile can go a long way towards improving a bad day...

You've loved me blond...

You've loved me brown...

You've shown me that sometimes, even if you're afraid, the best thing to do is just jump...

You've been my date...

my travel buddy...

my "excuse" for fun...

and my comic relief...

I know I started out this whole motherhood thing like a big fat caterpillar...but I like to think (slowly but surely) I'm turning into a butterfly...

You've taken my heart by storm, and your only three for goodness sake!! I need you to know how much I love this whole gig, it is what I never knew I always wanted. And, of course, this little "reflection" wouldn't be complete without thanking my own mom. Your love and sacrifices made me the person I am today. It's truly the cycle that keeps on giving...thank you so much for being the beginning of mine.

I couldn't have said it better myself...I love you mom.