L I F E

I've had this thought that has been taking shape over the past couple of weeks. It all started when we were having our mucho fabulous weekend in Tahoe. It was just the three of us and I think maybe it hit me as we were all sitting in our own tubes heading up the hill on a zip cord...if I had a baby right now this wouldn't be happening. Ok...back up Bethie...a little explanation might be necessary.

So, here's the deal. Our beautiful, and not such a baby anymore, baby is now three and a half. This means that most of the time there is pretty much a big fat elephant in the room and his name just happens to be, "When are you having another baby????" I get this question a lot, or I used to. Lately it seems like the elephant just sort of sits there quietly, his presence is actually kinda' awkward and annoying. I get it, when you look around we are becoming more and more of a rarity. There aren't many of us around, and by us I mean families with just one child quickly approaching four years of age with no baby on the way, that would be us. And just to clear the air it's not for a lack of trying, or I guess I should say trying as best one can when ones husband is home on a very irregular basis. Over the last year or so I've been a little consumed with the greener grass on the other side. As friend after friend after acquaintance after acquaintance becomes pregnant or has a baby I am, and I say this with truth in my heart, beyond happy for them. But, I've also had the baby bug, and the fact that there is no baby for me leads down the path of worry and to all the questions that go with it, namely being, "what's wrong with me?" So, when I say what I am about to say please know that it is no way meant to take away from what a beautiful thing it is to have a baby or a family with multiple children. I have been jealous of you almost everyday for the past year and a few months or so...what I am about to say is about me finding the joy in where I'm at. Put it this way, if life was one big bowl of chocolate ice cream it would be pretty plain without a few sprinkles on top...

Lately I've been missing the sprinkles in my life, but I think God just showed me something...

I've got more sprinkles than I know what to do with...

Which brings me back to the tubing hill. There we were tubing along happy go lucky family of three. Staying at a posh little boutique hotel our trio soaking in the hot tub. Traveling, going to movies, spending hours at the park, dinner out, etc. etc. And while some of it would be possible with the baby I've been dreaming of, some of it would not (or it would at least be a lot more difficult). I'm not giving up or anything. But while I was cleaning up after dinner last night it kinda' hit me that this is my life. I'm living it. Of course we have goals and dreams and hopes for the future, we have all that good stuff. But instead of willing it to get here faster or happen more quickly I want to look at where I'm at as the gift that it is. I'm sure someday there will be another sweet person for our family to love and adore, but right now there is this little blond angel whose constant chatter keeps me pretty entertained. What an amazing thing to have all this time to get to know her so well. To have all these special memories just the three of us. It's not a curse, it's a gift...and I'm going to start being more thankful for it. I'm digging in so to speak...

And, while I should probably save this for the fastly approaching Mother's Day, I just have to say I am SO thankful for my own mom. At my "stage" in life she already had two of us and was about to deliver number three! How the heck did you do it mom??? I'm thinking your aprons must've whipped around and done double duty as a cape! You are a super-maman in my book! And, while I'm not exactly following in your footsteps by popping out babies left and right, I hope I can be half the mom you were. You made my life sweeter and I love you...

E N J O Y I T!!

Monday Carter Edition #24~The Tale of Two Lambs

We're back in Washington and Monday Carter was thrilled to be back in her MDO routine (oh wait, maybe that was her mom that was so thrilled). Anyway, she was sportin' proof of our trip and wearing her "Tahoe" t-shirt. I have a thing about getting her shirts wherever we go because when I was little and my dad would go on business trips he always brought us one back...

We also had a couple of extra passengers along for the ride this morning. Lamb was a gift from Aunt Kim when Carter was born and they've pretty much been together ever since. When she was about a year old Nate and I spent our first weekend away from her in Seattle. I had mentioned that we should pick up a "spare Lamb" just in case the unthinkable happened and lamb ever went missing, God forbid. Truth be told this was also a ploy to get to spend a little time in Anthropologie...that store makes my heart skip a beat. Nate was on board and five seconds after we entered the store he had located the lamb and was ready to go...and that my friends is what shopping with a man is like. Anyway, we've never really had a need for Lamb #2, but Carter did find her recently in my closet. She's way too old to fall for any kind of lamb switcheroo at this point, but she has enjoyed pretending her "Regular Lamb" (as she fondly calls her) now has a friend. I asked her last night which one she thought looked better and she said her "Regular Lamb". According to her he has "happy eyes because she holds him so much"...she even went as far as to show me, "Look mom, his eyes are really happy, see?!" And that is officially the cutest thing she has said in the last 24 hours. So, without further ado..."Regular Lamb" and his BFF (who is much newer, nicer, fluffier and clean...but A LOT less loved)...

And wouldn't you know they actually had real live lambs visit MDO today! Perfect! Of course I'm lacking of photo because hello...it's Mother's Day OUT!! I was not there...I was out doing all kinds of fun things...like cleaning my kitchen and watching The View. The world would not know what to do without all my productivity. Betty Crocker signing off...gotta' pull my heart shaped Chicken Pot Pie out of the oven...like I said what would the world do without me!?

NEST

In honor of our little trio arriving back in our nice cozy home today I thought I would post the results of my latest project! My entry way has been a source of contention for awhile now. It seemed boring and drab and plain jane. I got a little inspiration from Elizabeth Mitchell's remake of an old Bob Marley song Three Little Birds. Every time I hear that song it just makes me happy...

I woke up this morning

Smiled at the rising sun

Three little birds

on my doorstep

Singing a sweet song

A melody pure and true

Singing this is my message to you...

They said don't worry about a thing

cause' every little thing it's gonna' be alright

And now everytime I walk in the door it makes me think of that song, which makes me happy! What a nice little cycle. So here it is, BEFORE....

told you plain JANE!! Now AFTER...

A nice little punch I think...

My very own three little birds sing me a sweet song everytime I walk in the door! Happy Nesting!

Jump for JOY!!

When you're three...

and you're bowling...

it isn't so much about the amount of pins you knock down...

but if your ball actually makes it to the end of the lane at all...

that is enough...

to make you jump for joy!

It's the little things in life that make all the difference!

The end!

Oil and Water

Sometimes this military lifestyle and I are a lot like Oil and Water...

I don't think it's an all the time thing, but it's an a lot of the time thing. Self admittedly (for better or worse) I'm type A. My mind is a very organized place. Which is why the constant change associated with this lifestyle is a challenge for me to wrap myself around. I like to have a plan, I like to buy tickets for things in advance, I like to look forward to vacations, etc. etc. etc. you get the point. Unfortunately these things and our current "sea tour" just don't mix.

Nothing is ever certain, nothing is ever for sure, nothing is ever a given...and as frustrating as that can be I also realize I just described life to a T. I think the truth for me is that, if given the opportunity, I would create the most routine stable life possible. But, in reality all it would be is a facade, because life is none of these things. We aren't even guaranteed tomorrow (although truth be told I spend plenty of time thinking, and yes even worrying about it). I get "all spun up" (to borrow my husbands favorite term) every time the military throws a new curve ball our way. You'd think I would have learned my lesson by now, and while I do recover much quicker, the news always has me reeling (at least for a few hours). As I type this I realize it sounds like something earth shattering has happened, don't worry it hasn't. That's just me and the over dramatic gene kicking in. I'm just processing the latest. We had been planning (I'm going to start using that term really loosely) on Nate leaving next Friday. And let me just go ahead and say I'm sure most people get a little tired of me saying that, it may seem like when is he not leaving. We are definitely in a unique situation. He is never gone more than 3 months at a time, but is usually not home much longer than that either. His community is in a constant state of deployment and therefore rotation to keep it up. It's confusing I know. I can barely keep up with his schedule and certainly don't expect anyone else to try or care. While there are some definite positives to the situation it also sometimes leaves you feeling like your husband comes home, visits for awhile, and then heads back out. I am thankful beyond belief that he doesn't ever have to be away for months and months on end...but in the same breath if another person says to me, "At least he doesn't have to be gone for 6 months" I might breathe fire. In my opinion the military is not a competition. When your husband is gone, no matter what the schedule, it is hard. Period. And just to clarify that statement some of my best girlfriends are at the opposite end of this spectrum (having husbands deploy for long periods of time) I am in awe of you and you know it. You are also dear to me because the comment that makes me want to breathe fire has never come out of your mouths! It is most often spoken in ignorance by someone who has no idea what living like this is really like, I need to remember that. If my honesty offends anyone I'll apologize, but if you can't be honest on your own blog where can you?! Off on a tangent sorry. Anyway, all that to say, Nate's schedule just changed again. *Smile* My type A personality just got thrown for a loop again. *Smile* God continues to refine me and grow me through this entire process. *Big Smile* And, while it's not so much the fact that he is leaving again (because who wouldn't hate that) it's the fact that the when is always changing!! Which leaves me wishing Uncle Sam would get himself a nice fat day planner and get a little more organized...

But, I'm also just kind of exhausted from caring. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean I'm exhausted by my husband, my family, even our life...I'm just tired of holding onto my plans so tightly. It's like I've got a fist full of sand and I'm terrified when even a few grains slip through the cracks. I mean seriously what's the big deal anyway? It's all just the facade I was talking about. The control I think I want to have, the control I'm so desperately holding onto....the control I'm so ready to just let go of...because it's not mine to begin with...

And, while I'm beyond ready for our little family of three to have some stability, I realize it is completely out of my control. All I can do is all I can do...and the best I've got is to put my heart into keeping us as "together" as possible...whatever that looks like (currently the Comfort Inn Fallon,NV). We'll take these extra weeks we've been given before he leaves again and make the most of it. I'm sure the thought, "Why would you be upset if he's home for a few more weeks?" may cross your mind. Let me just put it this way if you do the math we gain a few weeks only to give an extra six. Which to clarify means long term he is gone more...which never ranks high on the happy wife meter. Oh wait, what do you know, that unhappy little grain of sand just slipped through my fingers! *Grin*

Tubing for three...

Like I said before we spent this past weekend in the charming little town of Truckee...

Saturday we decided to take the opportunity and head to a nearby resort to do a little snow tubing. We debated skiing (which Carter has never done) but decided since we only had one day we would go for guaranteed fun and tube instead. We arrived in the Northstar Village which was really cool...

Got our sunscreen on...

And killed a little time while Nate got our tickets...

We then hopped on the gondola and headed up the mountain to the tubing hill...

One very excited little snow bunny...

This was a first for me too, and I was pretty excited myself...

I was also a little nervous because Carter was required to do everything in her own personal tube by herself...I'm a worry wart and always see the worst possible outcome in these situations, but she was a champ! Helping dad get her tube to the zip cord...

Riding up the hill (they do a lot of the work for you)...

We did a family train for our first few runs...

I even managed to snag this video as we went down the hill...

We were having a great time but pretty soon she wanted to do it, "All by herself!!!" (all parents of three year old's are familiar with that phrase I'm sure!)...

She had a blast!! It was the absolute PERFECT activity for her age and I'm so glad we opted for it over skiing. I think it was a really positive first snow experience and we'll tackle skiing next year! Here are a couple of other videos, one of her going down the hill with Nate and one with me...

After our tubing extravaganza we headed back down the mountain. During the winter they have a really cool ice skating rink in the middle of the village, but when the weather gets warmer they switch to roller skating. This was a lucky break for Carter who got to show off her recently acquired mad skating skills to her dad....

All the activity left us pooped! We headed to the Fifty Fifty Brewery for dinner. Table for three please...

And later on, one tired little munchkin, who still looks a lot like my baby when I catch her sleeping like this...

As hard as it is to sometimes deal with all this lifestyle throws our way I am thankful for weekends like this one where we can see and do things we otherwise wouldn't have. What a blessing that is!

Monday Carter Edition #23~Analogy of a Pillow Fight

Today, Monday Carter found herself in quite the predicament! She was smack dab in the middle of an intense hotel pillow fight. We all know that hotel pillow fights are the best, tons of pillows and jumping from bed to bed make things more fun! Two pillows is a pretty good strategy...

It's a valiant effort for sure...

But..even hiding won't help...

when you're facing the fiercest of competition!

And, in other hotel worthy news, we spent the afternoon hanging at the pool. Here are just a few of the many faces of Carter...

What a little bathing beauty...

And of course there was dancing...

what would a day be...

without dancing!