Practice makes perfect...not always true.

I've decided that practice makes perfect works for almost all things in life, the one exception is heavy on my heart. There is no perfect goodbye. I should not be sad right now for so many reasons...the first of which being my husband and I will see each other in two short weeks. Why then will the tears not stop streaming down my face? I'm having to dig deep to figure it out; and here's what I've come up with. Nate being gone is all too familiar. I know what it means. I know how it feels. In the beginning I thought this would somehow make things easier. The first time he left the unfamiliarity of it all drove me crazy. But, now knowing exactly what to expect weighs heavy. There are of course the little things. Like pulling into the driveway and having to drag the trash cans into the garage. When Nate is gone I measure our time apart by trash days. Silly I know. But, the trash taking in and out is not something I usually do, so when he is away it is easy to think 5 more trash days and he'll be home. More importantly than trash duty is the absence his affect has on my heart. You know the people in your life that are just like sunshine? When you see them the room is just somehow a little bit brighter? That's what Nate is to me. When he drops in for lunch or gets home at the end of the day our whole house is suddenly just a bit more sunny (Carter adds her fair share as well). So, when his face is missing the days sometimes feel as gray as the Whidbey sky. Perspective is key for me right now. I tend to try to tackle life by weeks or even months. This leaves me feeling overwhelmed by the seemingly constant hello's and goodbye's that we have awaiting us in the near future. I have to remind myself that tackling today is enough, tackling it with a smile is even better. I also have to allow myself to feel things. I sometimes pressure myself to push down the sadness. So many of my dear friends face much longer separations (high fives to all of you, and thanks Sam for not batting an eye at my over the phone tears); and it often feels more than a little selfish for me to feel sad at all. I am sad though, and I think that's ok. It reminds me that what I share with my husband is a God given gift. It reminds me that He gave me exactly what I asked for in Nate. A man that is my best friend and partner. It is only fitting that my heart hurts when he is away and will be full of joy when he returns.