Sweet Little Heart

I've been feeling really good the last couple of day's. I feel very provided for in the department of peace and love from God. We had a great day today. The main thing on our agenda was a birthday party for one of Carter's friends Connor, it was so much fun and I'll look forward to posting about it. We got home tonight and she was pretty worn out. We did the normal thing...bath, brush teeth, book and bedtime. I could tell she was tired but she just wouldn't seem to let herself fall asleep as I sang to her. Her eye's were heavy and even rolling at times but it just wasn't happening. I kissed her goodnight and left the room only to have her quickly begin to cry and call out for me to come back. This is always slightly frustrating to me, especially when she has been pretty good lately about going to bed easily. This continued for awhile until I finally told her if she got up again I was going to have to spank her. A few minutes later I could hear her creeping down the hall. I was walking her back to her room and explaining that I was so sorry I would now have to give her a spanking when she started asking for her daddy. My initial thought was, sure you want your daddy I'm about to spank you! She continued asking for him and when I knelt down in front of her, to make sure she understood why she was about to get spanked, I looked at her face and my heart melted. She had huge tears rolling down her face and just looked at me in the most heartbreaking way and said I just want my daddy. I knew right then she really meant it. I wrapped her in my arms and she just started bawling. Asking for her daddy in between her little sobs. I wish they had a manual for how you're supposed to explain to your two year old's sweet little heart why her daddy can't be here. I just told her it was okay to miss her daddy, that I miss him too. That he had to be at work now but there's no place he would rather be than home with her. That he adores and loves her and can't wait to be here again. She snuggled in and I rocked her like a baby. I laid her down and held her little face in my hands and told her one more time how much me, her daddy and Jesus all adored her. That it was okay to rest her eyes, and then I sang her Jesus Loves Me until she fell asleep. I keep thinking about what I'm supposed to do and unfortunately there are no obvious answers...I'll do my best to end with a praise though. I'm thankful that her daddy holds such a place in her heart, I'm thankful that he is so involved in every little thing that she does that she truly misses him when he is gone. I'm thankful she has such a wonderful daddy to love, and I'm thankful we have such a wonderful Heavenly Father to love us while he is away.

Beautiful Sunny Day

I was changing out the laundry this morning and ran across a rather large rock that Carter had stashed in one of her pockets. As I walked out of the laundry room I couldn't help but think about how that rock in the washer was a lot like the rock I woke up with in the pit of my stomach. Nate's absence was weighing heavy and stretched out in front of me like a marathon yet to be run, a desert waiting to be crossed. Less than 24 hours under your belt doesn't feel like much of an accomplishment! As I opened the blinds in my kitchen to another gray and rainy day I felt like caving into the desire pulling me towards apathy and depression...but then, I heard this little voice like an angel. She wasn't talking to anyone in particular, just chattering on about this and that like she tends to do. It was just what I needed. It sent me into another round of the "glad game" where I was prompted to thank God for this beautiful little person in my life. For her innocence and her energetic nature. I love the fact that she woke me up this morning with a kiss (yes I'm a weeny and let her sleep with me when Nate is gone). She sat straight up in bed and said, "It's a Sunny day! It's a beautiful sunny day mommy!" I'm actually not sure where she got this because let me tell you the weather in Whidbey today was anything but sunny. But Carter is teaching me that beauty is found in the eye of the beholder, and thanks to my little angel it was a Beautiful Sunny Day indeed.

Today was Carter's last day of Pre-school. I haven't had a chance to blog about it yet, but she has been attending for about 4 weeks now. It was a wonderful opportunity that was dropped in our lap by some of our friends (thanks Kristyn)! They have a program here that is normally not "open" to the public. Spots are filled by children who "need" to be in the school for various reasons. They were a little short this session and needed a couple of happy little 2 year old girls to attend...guess who fit the bill? That's right, my little sunshine girl. She has been loving attending twice a week for two hours. I have been enjoying a little time to grocery shop and run errands! Here is Carter on her first day of "school":

She has loved all of the friends that she has made and I have been so impressed with all of her wonderful teachers. They said she dove right in memorizing songs, participating whole heartedly in all the activities and circle time. I was one very proud momma! Here she is painting tire tracks with her good friend Lydia:

For the last month or so Carter has been fairly obsessed with the female anatomy. She frequently asks women, "Do you have boobs?" As you can imagine this is a little on the embarrassing side. She witnessed one of my friends breastfeeding her baby and I think that's what kicked it off. One night when Nate was getting her ready for bed he called me into her room. I wasn't sure what to think when I walked in to find her pretending to breast feed one of her baby dolls! I'm happy to see that she chose to feed this baby with a bottle!

Here she is hanging out with a group of her friends from class:

I love this sweet little face:

This opportunity has been a great experience on so many levels and today was a big day, being that it was the last one! It was quite rainy as I left the house with little red riding hood in tow:

When we arrived she insisted upon holding the "wings" on her back pack like daddy does! That is exactly what she said. I wasn't quite sure what that meant but after watching her for a moment I think it translates into this:

Here's a little glimpse into what it's like to converse with Carter:

Carter hanging out in front of her "hook":

This is how all the cool kids show off their art work:

Carter and one of her sweet teachers Ms. Heidi, aka Grammy (Joan). I could not get over how much they reminded me of each other! The similarities were amazing!

To commemorate this momentous day I treated Carter to her choice for lunch. Is there a kid out there who wouldn't request the golden arches? I know that "Old MacDonald's" as she likes to call it was the obvious choice!

I am so proud of Carter and all her little accomplishments. She is such a wonderful little person, I like her so much! I know that this post is seemingly never ending (which is fitting because this day felt like it might go on forever) but, I wanted to share a couple of other Carter moments. Tonight when I was cleaning up after dinner I caught Carter doing a little cleaning up of her own:

And last but not least this is completely random, but lately I have just been at a loss as to what to do with Carter's hair! It seems like it is just flying out of control half the time...I like control so this is an issue for me. Tonight after her bath she did something she normally would refuse, she let me blow dry her hair. I just had to share because I think the solution to our hair problems is a simple one--it's called a blowdrier!

I realize that my daughters hair is probably of very little concern to anyone but me, but, thanks for humoring me. I'm thankful to have her golden locks, funny comments and sweet kisses to help me keep my mind off of missing her daddy. He's always on my mind though, and as much as I miss him I find myself even being thankful for that. I'm thankful that I have someone that I love so much that my heart aches when he is gone. I've always wanted to love and be loved like that. I'm so thankful that God has given me my hearts desire.

Can you just hold me for a minute

Carter has started doing the sweetest thing lately. When we are dropping her off at the church nursery, having a babysitter at our house, taking her to the pre-school she has been attending etc.; she sometimes gets a little anxious. I can see the look in her eyes and it's written all over her face, she is slightly uncomfortable and at times visibly doing her best not to cry...she's a brave little girl. So, the sweet thing is that she will, in a very convincing shaky voice, look at Nate or I and say, "Could you just hold me for a minute?" If you start trying to explain to her that you will be back soon, or she shouldn't be afraid she'll interrupt with, "But, do you just think you could hold me for just a minute?" It melts my heart every time. It's her little way of delaying the inevitable, even if it is just for a minute. Today I understood her motive on a whole new level. As Nate got ready to head through security, to board the plane that would take him half a world away, I found myself wishing he could hold us for just another minute. Carter was visibly sad today, something she hasn't really been in the past. She went as far as to ask if she could just give her daddy one more big hug and one more big kiss after he had said his final goodbye. We passed her through the security area and her sweet daddy granted her request. That along with some "magic beans" (jelly beans to be exact) seemed to brighten her spirits. The beans worked their a little bit of their magic on me too. It's amazing how sharing a sugary snack with you 2 year old can make the world seem a little brighter. I'd be lying if I said I didn't shed a few tears today, but God has already been faithful to answer one of my prayers. I've been asking Him fervently for perspective. In the past when Nate leaves it sometimes feels somewhat devastating...at least for a few days and then perspective kicks in. I had been praying that perspective would arrive much sooner this time. Thank you God for being faithful. He is bringing peace to my heart and the ability to feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for this wonderful life that I have. Even through my tears as we left the air terminal today I felt prompted to just list outloud all the wonderful things that I am thankful for, and there are so many. This is a good exercise when you are feeling the threat of caving in emotionally...it reminds you of all you are blessed with and you quickly find yourself forgetting why you were so sad in the first place. I was also encouraged by my husband. Have I mentioned how great he is? We have gotten in the habit of exchanging a card each time he leaves. The first time he was gone on detachment I think I read and re-read the card he gave me at least 100 times. They are always heartfelt, encouraging and uplifting. His words and his love make me feel like I can move mountains. One of the things that he said today really stuck with me and I think it's given me a new perspective (there's that P word again). In his card he thanked me for being supportive of the job that he does. He went as far as to say that it completes him as a man and that he loves doing what he is passionate about. That was powerful to me. I've seen him in arenas where he was professionally unsatisfied and it wasn't pretty. I am so thankful that he is satisfied in this way. The sacrifice is worth it. The man I love is more than worth it. God never promised everyday would be easy. He just promises He will be there. The tough times are as much a part of our story as the joyful ones. In good times and in bad this is OUR story...I'm so glad I get to be a part of it.

*Here are a few photos and moments before Nate left...

Nate and Carter bonded over bathtime at an early age. He has been bathing and getting her ready for bed ever since she was a baby (his sweet way of giving me a little break at the end of the day). She loves it when he makes a "little hat" for her out of a towel...I know she'll be missing her hat's for the next couple of months. I'll do my best!

Nate and little C hanging out at the air terminal before he left! A couple of matching grins!

I think she kept hoping if she was a big help with his bag she might get to go too! We would have both hid in his suitcase if we could have figured out how! We love you Nate!

P.S. Kenny and Molly you are lifesavers. Thank you a million times for a delicious dinner. Nothing like pizza and ice cream to get your mind off of things. Kenny thanks for being so sweet to Carter, it makes my heart happy. I'm stealing your line Molly...ya'll make us feel like we have family in Oak Harbor, we love you.

Beyond Chicken Fried Steak

Tomorrow's the day. Nate is headed out...it's time to fly and hopefully the time will fly. We had a great weekend together. We celebrated Father's Day (one of the nice things about the military is you learn to celebrate holiday's whenever you can). Carter and I had surprised him (he really was surprised) with a pair of Oakley Sunglasses he has tried on every time he's had the chance for the last couple of months. We knew he wanted them for this detachment and were so glad we got to gift him with them. We also got him a couple of new video games to keep him busy on the trip over. I think giving really is more fun than receiving.

Carter also mangaged to figure out how to operate my digital camera. Here are a few of the pic's she has taken of Nate and I.

We have all just been enjoying being together. Nate played photographer for these...if the photo had sound affects you would here us saying EEEEEEE:


I thought several times about how badly I wished I could just say "freeze" and have time stop. I'm thankful that Nate has encouragingly told me I've done a great job of living in the moment by not feeling sad or dwelling on the fact that he is leaving, something I've been working on. I realized I've developed a coping mechanism. I have things that I continue to look forward to getting to do with him. As long as there is something still left to do I don't feel the need to get sad. For instance....today while Carter is at a class for two hours he and I will get to spend time hanging out at Starbucks, we'll all have a nice lunch together and maybe spend the afternoon at the park. I have one of his favorites planned for dinner (chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes, a big Texas Yum!) Needless to say today still holds plenty to enjoy. Unfortunately I can't find much to look forward to beyond chicken fried steak. That's probably when my tears will kick in. I think what gets me every time is hating that Carter won't have her daddy around for awhile. She loves him so much...he just makes her face light up.

What is coming is not unfamilar to me. The raw emotion of knowing you won't hold the hand of your best friend for quite some time. There is more to it than that, but words sometimes can't convey what we feel in our hearts. Even through my tears I am reassured by a loving God that "This too shall pass." He has proven that to me in the separations we have already faced and overcome. I was also encouraged by a devotion posted by Beth Moore on the Living Proof Ministries Blog. I am choosing not to worry. I am choosing to trust God. I will selfishly relish the fact that in my moments of weakness I am drawn closer to Him. I will be thankful that my inability to do this on my own causes me to walk hand in hand with my Heavenly Father. I will trust that He will be there. I will trust that He will bring joy to my heart. I will trust that in the abscence of my husband, who is a blessing straight from God, He will be all I need.

Win a Nest--C O N T E S T!!!

Hey ya'll! Head on over to Roxanne the Artist and enter for a chance to WIN a custom piece of ART painted by my super talented MAMA! It's a great piece she painted and it would look just perfect in your own little "nest"! Now, what are you waiting for? Get over there!!

I'm so dizzy my head is spinning!

We made up a new game yesterday. We were enjoying a lazy day and had spent most of the afternoon hanging out in our backyard with the sunshine. When we came in Carter and Nate invented this acivity. It basically just consists of Nate spinning Carter around in her little chair. We then try to make her run around. It was pretty darn funny! Be sure to check our her eyes in the second video...is that normal?

Patty Cake, Patty Cake

We're a couple of baking girls! Our good friend Molly turned 24 yesterday. I had the privilege of making her birthday cake for the little party we attended last night! She has a super sweet husband. I knew this before I ever met him. He won me over by coming and taking pictures of our current home before we ever moved here. He emailed them to us so I could have an idea of what our new house was going to look like. As you can imagine it is a little tough moving so often and to make things worse moving to a house sight unseen. Kenny erased a little of the unknown for me and I've always been grateful for that. So, being the sweet guy he is, he had gone to the effort to get a cake recipe from Molly's sister that he knew she would love. I set out, with a little help from my trusty assistant Carter, to make a beautiful birthday cake. It was a chocolate chip cake that called for a bunt pan. This initially made me a little nervous. I always feel like the cake is just going to fall apart when you turn it over. We were up for the challenge though. Carter enjoyed pouring, stirring and mixing. We followed the directions to a T and much to my dismay I turned it over, after letting it cool, and it literally looked like I dumped a bowl of cake batter on my counter! A little disheartening, but we're not easily deterred. After a quick trip back to the store to replace a few items we had "ruined" we were back at it! I knew we needed to let it bake longer so we camped out in front of the oven and checked it periodically:

Our patience paid off and as Carter put it, "the cake didn't melt this time mommy!" Don't worry it's going to get a nice coat of butter cream frosting to cover up the rough spots!

I was a little nervous about whether or not the cake would TASTE good. That's the bad thing about cake you can't really slice a little taste out without it being really obvious! So, I just a said a little prayer and hoped for the best. Meanwhile, I potted this cute little flower for Molly. I've decided that a pretty plant in a nice pot makes the perfect gift for a spring or summer birthday.

We had a great time at Molly's party. She and Kenny were great hosts and had all sorts of fun food they had spent the day putting together! They are wonderful friends and we are so thankful that our paths crossed! Happy Birthday Molly...

Everyone assured me that the cake tasted great and I have to agree! It's always rewarding when people enjoy the fruits of your labor...even if it did take perseverance to pull it off! The biggest reward however, was a great big chocolate kiss from my little assistant, who just loved licking the spoon!