First Grade

While I would definitely consider myself a planner, type A if you will, I also have an uncanny knack for procrastination.  I need to feel the pressure to perform.  I set deadlines for the sole purpose that they will creep up on me and force me to actually do the thing I've been avoiding (be it laundry, grocery shopping or some other stay at home Mama's "responsibility").  

For this reason I think the whole "end of Summer first grade has arrived" thing kind of caught me off guard.  We'd been so busy eating popsicles at the pool and trying to break world records for how long one can wear their pajamas that I almost forgot...almost.  But reality came a knocking last week and I went into full blown "school prep" mode.  This means we do really important things like get a haircut...

Carter simply could not understand how her hair would look "different" and still look long.  David dazzled her (and me) with the results...

Granted it wouldn't take much to improve the messy after pool bun she'd been sporting all Summer and while I'm certain I may never pull off a repeat blow out of that caliber it was a much improved state of aff-hairs (sorry couldn't help myself)...

Next up we grabbed a quick cup of joe (or in Carter's case hot chocolate)...

(seriously Carter stop looking so grown up!!)

We made our way to the Nail Salon for a pedicure.  If I had a dollar for every time Carter asks me to get  her nails done I'd be rich.  I normally say no which makes it all the more fun on the rare occasion I say yes...

I think the morning left her feeling special (which was the basic idea) and later that night we headed up to meet her teacher...

Nothing says "reality" like walking through the front door of the school.  A new hallway, a new class and oh yes...a new grade.  Didn't I just send her off to Kindergarten?  I'm thinking it was scenarios like this one where they started throwing around cliche phrases like "time flies".  And darn me and my procrastinating self I realized I just wasn't quite ready yet...so I did what any good mom would do...stole her away for a date night just the two of us...

I realize as I write all of this that it sounds like I was spoiling her rotten (and I sort of was) but there's more to it than that.  As she chatted non-stop throughout dinner I realized something...  

I think what I really wanted (more than just about anything) was for her tiny little heart to be so full of love it could burst...

You see it's so much more than the hair, and the nails, and the hot chocolate...so much more than the dinner, and a movie, and not one but TWO candies from the concession stand.  

Those things are fun (and I hope they'll be a sweet memory for her one day) but what it's really about are the moments that go along with it.  The hand holding, the meaningful conversations and a few kisses for good measure.  It's my very best attempt at saying, "Hey baby girl, I think you are about as special as they come.  And I know you can accomplish anything you set your mind to."  It's knowing that I won't be there to cheer her on every minute of the day and maybe just maybe when things get rough (or someone forgets the whole, "if you don't have something nice to say don't say anything at all" bit) she'll remember she's loved.  That she'll have confidence in who she is (and won't feel the need to have others "help" explain that to her).  That she'll remember to love well and treat others with respect and kindness.  That she'll carry with her in the hours we're apart all the love I feel for her in my heart...

It may sound like I'm hoping for a too much but I know this whole "fill em' up with love" theory works. My Mama taught me well and gave me more love than I know what to do with (she even sent me my very own school pic this morning, as if to say, "don't forget where you came from")...

And just like that it was here.  This morning Carter crawled into our bed around 6 and we dozed until the alarm went off at 6:30.  At which point she informed me she was already dressed.  Apparently she was too excited to sleep and got dressed for school at 5:30 only to come crawl in bed with us a little later...

We filled her up with her breakfast of choice...

And then moved on to bigger and better things like what is officially becoming my standard "back to school" shot (click here for last years)...

It's a brand new year baby...

Her entourage happily accompanied her for the big drop off...

And this year there was a new found confidence...

It comes with having a year of school under your belt I'm sure.  She knew exactly where to go and was happy to be there...

I felt it too which is why I was so shocked to find a big old lump in my throat as I turned to walk away.  To be honest it totally caught me off guard.  I think I assumed leaving her might be easier since this wasn't my first rodeo.  But I think what I'm learning is it's not so much the leaving her but the letting go that doesn't get any easier.  Letting go of another milestone, another Summer and another year of her childhood...

Thank goodness I have Emerson and her leotard for comic relief...

Being a mom is a pretty sweet gig.

Dear Emerson, Will you please stay little forever (pretty please with a cherry on top)?  I've been asking Carter for years but she's just not listening.  You're my only hope!  Don't let me down.  Thanks a billion,  XOXO Your Mama