Emme bawled herself to sleep tonight. Not just a low key cry...an all out sob. Apparently her current mood is "I NEVER WANT TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL!" And the more heartbreaking part is it's because she misses me. Well, crud. So now I realize as I sit here that I know just zero about how to handle my current situation. Oh sure I comforted and consoled and swore it would all be just fine. But the truth is I. Don't. Know. I wish I felt sure but I don't. I wish I knew that I could promise if she'll give it a week she'll love it but she might not. I wish I could say you're teacher is going to be one of your all time favorite people but will she? See the thing I'm realizing is motherhood at times is 2 parts unconditional love and 1 part fake it til' you make it. I guess the real success is assuring the small children who trust you with their lives and love you with their whole hearts that you really do know everything. Hopefully that perception is enough to allow them to overcome their fears...to do the hard thing that is in front of them...to be brave. The thing they must never know is that deep down inside I'm afraid too. That being their mom is the scariest thing I've ever done and every day I hope against hope and pray with everything in me that I don't fail them.
So one day sweet Emme, when you're old enough to read this, I'll let you in on a little secret... Tonight when I prayed for you, and encouraged you, and told you to be Brave...I was giving myself a little pep talk too...
I love you with all my heart.
4 comments:
I know I usually don't comment- but I LOVED this post. I was just giving a pep talk to our oldest Luke who starts his fifth elementary school this year. Sometimes I am at a lost for words, because the truth is Luke knows more than anyone that sometimes life isn't fair and doesn't work out the way we want. All I can do is hope and pray that it will all work out. Hope that Emme finds her brave and has a great rest of the week (and you:)
Beth, I just read this and happy to have you join the club! This post brought back so many memories of times I told Ryan and Natalie that things were going to be GREAT, and then I prayed that they really would be! Your right, we don't know but we do know God and that his love for us and desire for us to receive only the best is always present in our lives and I counted on that everyday! I tend to look at things on the more positive side (as opposed to Rick!) but the truth is we just never know.
I will say that I firmly believe that Emme will love school, make great friends, adore her teacher (she looked so cute in the pic) and have a great year. This is because I have seen this same thing happen numerous times to numerous friends. Nat's friend went off to LSU her freshman year and came home a month later and hated it. Wanted to come back and quit. We suggested she stay thru the first semester (her dad refused to let her come home) and she wound up loving it and stayed all 4 years. See, it doesn't matter the age it happens to all kids!
You hang in there and it will get better!! I can always bring Emme a puppy!!
Love you!
This is so sweet and I hope she's doing great now! I'm glad you're back to blogging!!
This is beautiful, Beth! What a way you have with words! I'm so glad I didn't read it until now. Though I knew, I hadn't read this post. I am so grateful that I know Emme is flourishing in school, likes her teacher, is getting the hang of reading and that God has been good to work all things out:)
I also want to tell you what joy it brings me to watch you mother your little ones. You make me so happy! I'm very proud of you, Bethany Ann Spradlin Saxton! Keep sharing.😘
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